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What Dating Has Taught This Nerd

I’ve been trying to write this post for sometime now and haven’t been able to manage to get through it. It’s personal and I don’t like being really personal with people… let alone the internet. But, I think it’s finally time to do this.

I’ve had my share of bad relationships. I’ve dealt with things like, divorce, obsession, lying, cheating, mommy issues, emotional abuse, control issues, narcissism, mind-games… the list goes on. 

The point is that relationships are hard. They’re hard for everyone and I am by no means an expert at this stuff. I just want to share things that I’ve learned from real situations that I’ve been in… most of these times I didn’t take my own advice.

1. If he/she isn’t there for you when you truly need them the most (like in the hospital with a placental abruption) then it’s time to leave them. Especially when you find out that they were “just at their “friend” [female name] “playing video games”. It’s time to move on.. no matter how hard you think it’ll be without them.

2. If they’re overly protective of their cell phone (like, I’m talking about pass-coding, shielding the phone while texting someone, sleeping with their phone under their pillow or taking it in the bathroom with them… while they shower, overly protective) there is a reason. That reason is that they’re up to things they shouldn’t be and they’re hiding it from you.

3. You are human. You’re allowed to have feelings. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to tell someone how you feel. What this means is that you should never let someone tell you that you’re “blackmailing” them, that you’re trying to make them feel guilty, or that you’re feelings aren’t valid. Don’t stand for feeling anything less than equal. There are reasons you’re feeling the way that you are and you should be allowed to talk about them and express your feelings how you need to express them. Holding emotions back is bad. It’s bad for your relationship and it’s really bad for you.

4. If you’re not ready for something… then you’re just not ready. Don’t be forced into anything that would make you uncomfortable. This goes for anything from relationship status to in the bedroom type things.

5.  If you are ever lying awake in bed at night and you find yourself wishing that there was an “easy way out” of the relationship… end it. End it right then. Don’t waste your time or theirs by not being emotionally present in the relationship. 

6. If you find someone that genuinely wants to help you… accept it. Accept the love and kindness because it’s not very often that you will find someone who loves you enough to help you when they have absolutely nothing to gain from it other than seeing you happy.

7. Sometimes… you’re just meant to be friends. It sucks. It sucks so hard. It’s heartbreaking. You’ll never get over it. This is probably the worst form of heartbreak that I’ve ever had to deal with but I’d rather have them in my life in some form than not at all.

8. You’re not required to do all of the work. Don’t let someone walk all over you just because you want them to be happy and/or avoid a fight.

9. Never, ever, be ashamed of who you are. Don’t change for anyone.

10. Someone who loves you will never leave you stranded in the big city … 45 minutes away from home with no way of getting a ride. They’d make sure you somehow had a ride home or take you home. They won’t make you feel bad for asking for a ride to a friends house. They won’t threaten to make a scene at your work Christmas party. They wouldn’t go to a party that you’re not invited to just because there was a girl there that didn’t like you. They won’t treat you like this. Do you see what I’m saying? They wouldn’t do these things to someone that they really love.

So, there is that. There is both some insight into my life and some insight into dating.

What has dating taught you?

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